Daniel Massie #1372754
2661 FM 2054
Tennessee Colony, TX. 75861
HOW??? (Seg Mentality)
They say the eyes are the windows to our souls. Can you see through mine and tell me what I suspect and already know?
Look into my eyes and tell me if you see my pain. Tell me if you see the frustration, sorrow, and twisted thoughts that have me feeling like I’m going insane.
Depression and stressing is all that we mostly feel in here, but we are men so we play that role. How can I get someone on the outside to understand what I’m going through, so they can truly know?
How can they feel and understand my pain if they’ve never felt my struggle? I feel like an actor and street performer sometimes with these emotions that I have to juggle.
Stuck in this concrete hell 24 hours a day while the world passes me by. Sick and tired of always being the one that gets left behind. Everyone living their own lives that sometimes I feel maybe it’s best to give up and die.
I’m saying that because to a lot of people I am dead, out of sight, out of mind. Wondering if it’s best to slide back from the free because I know that they have their own problems to deal with and I’m not making it any better with them having to worry about mine.
How can I explain the feeling of all my goals, dreams, and plans going down the drain? That everything I thought about and did was all in vain?
How can I explain about the feeling, which I have come to call my demon in my head?
(Sub conscious) It makes me want to act out and hurt people just so that it can be fed; that when my morals get in the way and I don’t that it turns on me instead?
How can I explain about the thousands of other things that I see and go through on a daily? That everything adding up make even the strongest of minds feeling like they’re going crazy?
“HOW” is the million dollar question that everyone locked up wants known. But this mental hell can’t be fully understood when told, it only is when shown.
How can I explain about the pain that I hold and go through? It seems like everything is falling apart as if someone watered down the glue. How can I explain feeling forgotten, of feeling ignored like I am an embarrassing stain? About listening to mail call and rarely hearing my name? The pain and frustration, gets these invisible tears, falling down my face like rain.
How can I explain about the feeling of being in here and fading away like I’m everyone’s past? All this has taught me that when it’s all said and done nothing truly last. How can I explain that because I’m in here I’m not good enough for anybody, no matter how hard I try? About giving my all to someone, then they leave me, I’m stuck wondering, “why?” but in the end it was all just a mirage? When she left it really tore me up inside, so I wear a small like amor and also as camouflage.
Camouflage the pain because I’m use to hiding away my hurt. When I let someone in I wear my heart on, fuck a sleeve, my whole dame shirt.
How can I explain about secretly envying these dudes with short time? About knowing they get to go home one day while I’m stuck stagnant in mine (Prison).
How can I explain about going to visits and things like family day feeling a little bit free? About coming back to the wing and there’s more dread on me because of all the concrete and steel that I see?
How can I explain about trying to walk with God but badly struggling because my demons keep scratching at the door? That every day I get a little more worn down because of my own inner war?
“How” is still that million dollar question because I wish that I had the perfect words to get you to truly understand. But I’m starting to realize that it’s something that can never be truly explained, unless you go through it firsthand.
Race: Mex/White Biracial
Date of Birth: 5-9-89
Earliest Release Date: 2045
Maximum Release Date: Life
Would you like letters from both sexes? Women
(This does not refer to sexual orientation)
Education: GED, precollege courses. bricklaying trade
Occupation before prison: Tattoo apprentice
Activities in prison: Writing poems, drawing, working out, learning
Can you receive and send emails? I can receive email via jpay.com but can only respond via postal mail so please include your mailing address.
1st Poem of Four
I met a very beautiful, sexy, intelligent young woman that got close to my heart. The sparks were flying since the first letter, like 4th of July at the park.
I would be waiting in the anticipation for her letters and what they had to say. Every-time I told myself, today is the day.
It's crazy, because I have never fallen so quickly before. You had my emotions gong like a fat kid at the candy store.
But I think I've lost her.
Because of the answer to my time and crime. If I could start over I would, and make sure to tell you abut them, in my very first reply.
That way all the cards would be on the table. To accept would be the risk, but love is always a gamble.
Your next letter has me nervous and filled with so much dread. But at the same time, has me feeling like a puppy in the store window, waiting to be a pet.
I feel my hopes and heart crumbling, but I smile because it keeps me from crying. I look happy on the outside, but inside I'm dying.
Every time I wrote, you had me smiling, happy, and in that zone. If I never hear from you again amor, remember no matter what, you will always and forever, have a place in mi Corazone
I find myself wondering why I think about you all the time. No matter what I'm doing, eventually you always come to mind.
Lady mysterious, you have piqued my curiosity and I truly don't understand why. Like a bug caught in the bug zapper, I couldn't look away even if I tried.
I think back to the times we talked and tested on the phone, and what was all said. We really didn't talk about anything major, but it's still like a repeating movie reel in my head.
You bring me alot of comfort when I write you, even though you hardly have time to write back. It helps just to have someone listen without judging me, for everything that I lack.
When I received that letter from you, all it did was pull me in more. Had me thinking of what I could do, or where I could look, for the key to the door.
The door in which behind the mystery lies. Trying to think of all the ways to find the key, so I can get at least a little glimpse inside.
Maybe with your help I can find out why you have me is captivated and figure out whats the deal. But until then lady mysterious, I hope that God watches over you and yours; and thank you for always keeping it R-E-A-L.
"Love in my heart"
I was a goner when you met me, then you brought me new life and helped me strive. Tears on my pillow like little Anthony, but couldn't show it because of pride.
An almost broken man full of anger, heartache, regrets, and strife. Didn't want to take any help from nobody, but that was just out of spite.
But, you, you had to come along and tear down what I built up over time. You had to invade my mind and overwhelm my senses. You had to conquer the realm deep in my soul barricaded by fences.
All I wanted to do was wall in self doubt and fail, but you come along and pulled me out of my own personal hell.
You brought happiness to my world like a Christmas carol. Gave me the strength to keep on pushing even when you had myself belief in peril.
You built me up from nothing. Gave me the love and motivation that I needed to turn me into something.
Can you comprehend of how much I love and appreciate you? Do you know your true value like I do?
Do you even have the slightest clue if you don't, then let me try to inform you.
I need you like the air I breathe. Like birds need the sky and fish need the sea. Your my drug that I fend for; and always try, but can never OD.
The Sun that my world revolves around, my Mexicans Goddess in the flesh that bless my eyes and has me hard as stone without even uttering a word.
Your the gas to my fart. Have me saying anything to put that beautiful smile on your face, so I know your cheesin from the start.
They say when you say, "I love you". Your making a promise with someone else's heart. I promise to love you forever, eve after the World blows apart.
Remember that your my exotic butterfly and always on my mind. That I love you more than life itself, my love for you will endure until the end of time.
Remember who you are and what you mean to me. The strongest and most driven person that I've ever met, and thats pretty clear for everyone to see.
Remember that your not alone, even though sometimes it feels like you are. That I'm always here for you, no matter if its a little far.
Remember what you told me, for whenever your feeling down and out. Think back to all our great memories and feel how much that your loved, "You know I'd rather see that beautiful dimpled smile that I love instead of pout.
Remember that God works in mysterious ways so we don't know what the future holds, but I know the future that I want, spend the rest of my life with you as our love continues to grow.
Remember all this as the time goes by, because hopefully it won't be long when you don't have to read it, but listen when I tell you that, when I'm out and forever by your side.
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